A New Definition of Joy – for the holidays & everyday!

Can you feel the holiday frenzy in the air? I do!

While for some the energy is filled with excitement for Christmas and New Year’s celebrations, for others it’s a feeling of overwhelm- an overwhelming sense of responsibility, pain, uncertainty, or loneliness.

Here’s the deal, however you are feeling, there’s an opportunity to cultivate a deeper type of joy, either within yourself or to support those who are currently struggling.

This deeper cultivation calls us to go beyond circumstantial joy.  You know…the type of joy that says, “I’ll be happy when…”   Such as….”I’ll feel joy if everyone is together over the holidays and getting along, or I’ll feel joy if I’m in a loving relationship, or I feel joy if I feel financially secure.”

You and I both know that kind of joy is fleeting & isn’t the real deal.

So together, let’s create a more resilient joy, one that remains with you despite your circumstances.

How do you do that?  Here’s where I’d begin:

#1  Just because something in your life is messed up, doesn’t mean you are.  Life can get messy.  The mess is a part of everyone’s life at one time or another. What you learn is the mess is able to be cleaned up, one step at a time.  As you do, you learn and grow, taking away any wisdom from it you can.  That’s it.  Your ego can easily rob you of joy by proclaiming the holidays or your life should be different than they are.  Rather than blame yourself or others, ask “How am I being asked to forgive and find greater compassion for myself and others?”

#2 Redefine joy based upon an inner belief that you are important and loved.  Yes, I am asking you to know your importance and lovability, despite what your external circumstances are & despite so called “proof.”  Yeah, I also know it is easier said than done. What I also know is that, so often we ask of life to give to us what we are unwilling to give to ourselves.  We want a lover to prove our lovability, we want income to prove our worth, we want our children’s success to prove we are a good parent.  Yet the Universe cannot give to you what you do not first give to yourself.  What if you made the fact that you were born the proof that you are lovable and important – that’s it.  And nothing, not your mistakes, vulnerabilities, or challenges or what someone said or did to you could take that from you.

#3 Recognize the cycles to life.  Just as the seasons cycle, so will aspects of your life. 
There are challenges that once bogged you down that you have learned to overcome.  It will be the same for any darkness, emptiness, or mess you are now experiencing.  In the darkness, there is light -even if the light is just a flicker, it’s there. How can you be a conscious cultivator of growing love, compassion, and forgiveness?

#4 Reach out to get the attention you deserve.  Wowza, do I know how difficult it is to reach out when you are in pain.  While it’s normal to want your best self to shine and only show that side of you, you’ll increase your feeling of disconnection from others and life.  It’s through authenticity that real intimacy and connection is created.  Have the courage to show your vulnerability, whether that is to a friend, family, religious organization, therapist, hotline, or coach so you can get the individualized care you need. 

None of the above is an insta-fix.  To cultivate means you are willing to try and allow the process to grow within you.  As the year comes to a close, use the above as beginning measures to allow a deeper, lasting joy to blossom from within.

Wishing you a Happy Solstice, Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

Warmly,

Michelle